A pattern of being

Knit one, pearl two.  Drop a stitch here and there.  Pick up another.  There’s many ways to get back into a pattern of being.  I just never realized that some patterns could be so far flung and take so long to hook up to again.  Who knew?  I guess you don’t always.  But when I woke up to some things, even the desire to be an artist, it brought me right into a familiar pattern.  What a system.  Everything seems to deepen along the way.   Even the hunger to get started.

My mother gave up on teaching me knitting because I kept losing stitches.  That should have been a sign.  Sure I was only seven or eight at the time.  But I should have known.  Instead, what did I do?  I ran down the street to play.   Now it’s time to weave all the dropped stitches back in.  There’s a few strands as it turns out so it’s not going to be a quick job either.  But it feels good to wake up to these tasks, knowing some of what I must do.

Naturally I can’t speak for everyone, but in general, if something is snagging your spirit and dragging you down, whether it’s a schedule or a program, a person or an element, I think it’s time to take out the cosmos kit and get cracking.  For the most part our bodies respond and produce the biochemicals that we need to function properly.  But when we get run down our rejuvenating ability gets shut down.   We might need a shot of B12 or a certain form of coaxing and motivation to get things rolling again.  Who knows, our push towards a new horizon could simply come from a shift in the winds.  The winds could come along like our spirit returning and nudge us forward.  And then we’ll wonder, is it a weather system or our spirit which hovers around wondering when will we get going? 

Sometimes it seems that change comes easily once you realize that whatever was streaming before is now damned and diverted.  It’s time to break through the walls and let the water come rushing.

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How long has it been?

                               

Someone at the Tin Angel asked how long has it been since I quit smoking.  The importance of dates, demarcation lines.  All these come into play with that question.

            When looking back a date saves you the trouble of needless explanation and soul foot shuffling.  That date.  That reason.  All the spokes in the turn of events. 

            How long has it been? 

            Here’s one answer:  Last week I thought of writing myself a note of solace, something like a prayer.  Words were hard to come by.  But as I walked around my yard something about the quality of light captured my attention.  The sky felt close.  In winter there’s little to separate it from the ground except the Gothic spires of the bare branches.  Maybe because the leaves weren’t there to tickle their toes, the shadows on the ground didn’t dance around.

            Could it be that these thoughts are prelude to prayer?  I’ve always sought my serious answers by water.  I don’t know why that’s so but it’s something I’ve come to accept.  So when I’ve got some serious thoughts that need to be played out in my head I’ll go to the ocean or take a walk by the river.  I think that I actually have a core belief that the answers reside in the water.  And this time I thought it may be in the river, which is just down the hill from me.  At this time of year the buffleheads are bobbing their shocking black and whites, sometimes in groups of forty or more.  It is a fantastic sight.  At the edge of the river it seems as if the water flows from your own eyes, a silvery mirror, reflecting the bright, rippling sun.  Your feet slowly sink an inch or two into the silt.  The sand is soft.  Plugs of new reeds beneath your feet ready to jump an inch or two with the first hot sun, support your weight.  The water meets the edge of your sole and the longer you stand there, transfixed by the play of light on water, with a chorus of geese on the other side of the river, the more the river seeps into your shoe, climbing into your sock the way demitasse is drawn through the sugar cube.    (for more of Conversations with Nic - keep your eyes peeled for the e-book. Coming to a reader near you soon.)

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